When did we turn in to adults? Why did this happen to us? How can we make it stop? Those are my questions for today. My husband would tell me to stop thinking so much, I am not sure how I can make that happen. I f I knew I would probably sleep better and not be so confused.
I am tired of being an adult. It is so draining. Today I want leave this prison and run away, get on any plane and just go anywhere but here. Probably not happening because the boys need a nap and I haven't the funds to purchase a plane ticket. Since I don't have a job. Which is my next problem. Why do I even want a job? When I had one I counted the seconds until I could quit and complained about leaving my boys on a daily basis. Can I ever be content and happy with what I have? This is my newest prayer. Don't get me wrong I am happy staying at home making huge messes until 3 then picking them all up before Daddy gets home. Watching D be big enough to tackle H. Having H wash dishes (he loves to do it and does a really good job). I wouldn't want to miss any of this for a paycheck. But, why do I want to go back to work? I don't even know what I want to do. I know I want to be a nurse, but what kind? I am scared that I will not be able to find a job when we return after being out of practice/work for 3 years, who will want to hire me? And well then there is school, I am actually doing well a big surprise to me :) But we can't afford to keep paying $1400 every 8 weeks for me to take 1 class and C wants me to quit for a few semesters but then I am scared I will never return and I want to be almost done before #3.
No you haven't missed anything. We do not have #3 baking. #3 is a daily prayer and me letting go and giving it to God. Which is either my hormones going wacko or I am just turning into a really mean person. Before we went to Italy we started to seriously talk about #3. C gave me the ok so I took out my IUD (extremely easy to do)!!! Then I prayed we would make a baby in Italy how romantic would that have been. Well now I am praying for anytime before June and if not in June well I guess whenever then.
My last rant for the day. C and I have been doing Insanity for 23 days now and I have only gained weight what is up with that? Its well insane and not fair! I do see some changes in muscle mass of my legs and I know muscle weighs more than fat, but tell that to anyone who is working to see the numbers on the scale decrease. The good news is the longer it takes for me to get pregnant the better shape I will be in to push this kid or kids out (my other secret prayer is for twins). Well I would love to tell you more but this MOMMY-O is being paged.
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