When did I grow up?

When did we turn in to adults? Why did this happen to us? How can we make it stop? Those are my questions for today. My husband would tell me to stop thinking so much, I am not sure how I can make that happen. I f I knew I would probably sleep better and not be so confused.

 I am tired of being an adult. It is so draining. Today I want leave this prison and run away, get on any plane and just go anywhere but here.  Probably not happening because the boys need a nap and I haven't the funds to purchase a plane ticket. Since I don't have a job. Which is my next problem. Why do I even want a job? When I had one I counted the seconds until I could quit and complained about leaving my boys on a daily basis. Can I ever be content and happy with what I have? This is my newest prayer. Don't get me wrong I am happy staying at home making huge messes until 3 then picking them all up before Daddy gets home. Watching D be big enough to tackle H. Having H wash dishes (he loves to do it and does a really good job). I wouldn't want to miss any of this for a paycheck. But, why do I want to go back to work? I don't even know what I want to do. I know I want to be a nurse, but what kind? I am scared that I will not be able to find a job when we return after being out of practice/work for 3 years, who will want to hire me? And well then there is school, I am actually doing well a big surprise to me :) But we can't afford to keep paying $1400 every 8 weeks for me to take 1 class and C wants me to quit for a few semesters but then I am scared I will never return and I want to be almost done before #3.

No you haven't missed anything. We do not have #3 baking. #3 is a daily prayer and me letting go and giving it to God. Which is either my hormones going wacko or I am just turning into a really mean person. Before we went to Italy we started to seriously talk about #3. C gave me the ok so I took out my IUD (extremely easy to do)!!! Then I prayed we would make a baby in Italy how romantic would that have been. Well now I am praying for anytime before June and if not in June well I guess whenever then.

My last rant for the day. C and I have been doing Insanity for 23 days now and I have only gained weight what is up with that? Its well insane and not fair! I do see some changes in muscle mass of my legs and I know muscle weighs more than fat, but tell that to anyone who is working to see the numbers on the scale decrease.  The good news is the longer it takes for me to get pregnant the better shape I will be in to push this kid or kids out (my other secret prayer is for twins).  Well I would love to tell you more but this MOMMY-O is being paged.

Always an Adventure

Today I decided that we needed to get out and go on one of my ever wonderful "adventures". Everything is this country is an adventure going to find food, driving, crossing the street, you get the point. So I am on the hunt for a lithium ion camera battery (for a camera I do not have yet). We cannot ship lithium ion batteries over here amongst a million other products that would make me happier. Since neither hubs or I can read Russian or Tajik we just decided to strap the kids in and walk around the shops, sending one of us in to look around. Well not batteries to be found but I did find the camera I want. Surely it was stolen from another country and brought here like every other decent product. We did not buy it, but I think I might.
We also went into a Turish furniture store which was had some pretty tables but def out of our budget, still wondering who is this country can afford to buy these things?!?!
During all of this H decides that he is hungry surprising because we had been out of the house an hour and he had had a bag of goldfish and fruit snacks. So to blow my "diet" we went to SFC kinda of like KFC but much worse and its the only "fast-ish" food. By fast I mean it takes less than a half hour to get your food.
After lunch we went to the green market to pick up some veggies because I want to make tacos tomorrow. Well its a mad house but thats to be expected. People begging for money (supposedly they work for the mafia so we are not supposed to give, but sometimes I just feel led to and others I don't and feel guilty later) Today is one of the guilty later times. We saw a man digging out of the trash can for food and drink, I felt very led to give him a bag of goldfish I had on me, at least it would have been clean. But, I didn't and now I feel bad. I am always praying for a way to help people here,  but I have not found it just yet. Oh so the market yep I am sure we were ripped off when we bought tomatoes but we were tired and I just didn't feel like arguing and its warm and the dead animals everywhere kinda stinks so off we went to the indoor market to buy beef.
4 stores later hubs found meat, cola, beer, cauliflower, rage and a headache. Lucky for me the boys were sleeping so I got to relax in the car and watch people do the strangest things while driving. Like make left turns from the far right lane, double and triple park so people are blocked in for hours waiting for people to move their cars.
Well now time for something productive tonight: bake cookies and really finish my research paper because its due tomorrow.

Virgin Blog

Well if anyone is reading this its my first, well blog ever. I have been thinking about making one for the last 5 months so better late than never, right? I could start at the beginning but that would take a while and I guess it would not enhance any progression in the way I currently feel about life. Not the deep meaningful life but the on the surface can get you feeling sorry for yourself type. 

So here goes it since I am just starting from today and when necessary I can fill you in on the past. I am in school, online attempting to finish my BSN degree. Its going so so about 1/2 done with the semester. This week I have spent 3 full days working on my research paper which is in fact giving me gray hair. But, I think I am almost ready to turn it in which is good because its due Sunday. My advisor is hounding me to register for classes but I am still attempting to pay off the one class I am taking now. Hubs says to take the next semester off, but I am in a love/hate relationship with finishing and scared if I stop I will never start again, never finish and never be able to get a job again. I know I think too much about the topic. So today after writing for hours my brain was fried so I came back home to see my little men. H was being a terror and has once again destroyed the DVD's and played with the computers. No matter how many times I tell Fesia (our nanny) not to let him play in my room. We have equally told H that many times not to do the same thing and have taken away all of his favorite things to get our point across, well nothing works.  So I put H down for a nap (bc Fesia will not be firm and make him). Then D gets up, I change his diaper only to find that he has the worst sore on his penis which is another thing I have told the nanny a MILLION times change the boy every 2-3 hours!!!!!!!! SO angry with her, so she is getting the next week off while I fix my child and stop being made with her. I know she speaks english but she does NOT understand english! Today is H's favorite day of the week, Thursday that day we try to do something "fun". So today we made sushi (nothing crazy carrots, cucumbers, and avocados-now about the avocados I am trying not to get excited about these seeing as I am told this never happens). Sushi was good I thought but the boys would not even try them. But H had fun anyway playing with his friend. One awesome thing about today: We got MAIL!!! Its been about 2 weeks and they boys got a good box for them.

Well now I should really do something productive like: watch TV with my husband, beat my mom at bejeweled, spend $817 at amazon, or eat some candy!